Friday, September 14, 2012

day 21

today is day 21.Dale has been gone for a week.  I moved into a new room today. It is super fancy and awesome.  I will be here for one night and move again tomorrow.  boo.  Oh well, I will enjoy it today by not leaving it.

I don't have much to update, but I do have a little. I spoke to one of the facilitators in Kiev late last night.  She said I still have a paper delayed in Kiev, that my papers were submitted to the court on Monday, and that the judge is on vacation. She said that we should hear on Monday what our court date is and that it should be next week.  That means it could be Tuesday or it could be Friday.

Now, the last update I had heard here in Odessa was that my papers were all done, that the papers were submitted last Friday, and that the judge was back from vacation (and even had an adoption case yesterday).

So, basically I can take from this that I have no idea what is going on, but I should know on Monday and court could be any day next week.  Please hope and pray and dance for Tuesday.  I am dreading the weekend with no possibility of news.

Aine said she wanted me to come home and do school with her. That says she is desperate. She is my only kid that has zero interest in school.

And, truth be told, visits are just getting harder.  It has been 2.5 weeks of coming and leaving her.  No way to really communicate well, and limited things to do together.  I can't parent her because I am not legally her parent yet.  We are in such a strange place in our relationship.

With my bio kids I loved having babies.  I loved nursing and holding a teeny tiny new baby.  But, in all honesty, I do not love the first 6 weeks.  I just don't.  And these visits, to me, are like the first 6 weeks.  Ilove seeing her, being with her. But it is so different than how we will be together once we are home. Even when she is out, but still in Ukraine, it is a strange and abnormal way to be mother and daughter.

And she is resentful of me coming and going. And we are sort of stalled.  Please, if you are thinking about adoption, don't walk away if you don't fall head over heels, to the moon and back, in love during the visits. It is not at all reflective of how your interactions and relationship will be once out.  It is so different. And you have to work at it.  Especially with an older child with trauma in their background.

I am ready to fight for this girl, but we have to get out of here for me to do it.  And right now we won't be moving forward for at least 3 days.  Hopefully I won't lose my mind before then.

Will add pics soon.

1 comment:

  1. You are nothing but strength Mama! I pray for you and Dale everyday, but I don't worry for you. I do worry for your sweet 'V'. I would have had a total come-apart over her eye and probably been evicted from the country. Permanently. I know it doesn't feel that way on the inside, but you handle all this with so much grace, it floors me.You have all the support you need and then some! I can't wait for you to be home, same as you! much <3 to you!