Friday, October 19, 2012

Behavioral Therapy and Big Changes

Eva had her first behavioral therapy session today.  It was mostly me talking to the counselor about her behaviors and our concerns.  But Eva also played in the peripheral as the counselor observed. As suspected, Eva plays well below her chronological age.  She went for the baby toy first, repeated the same motions and actions, and was more about organizing than creative playing.

The pretty doll house in the middle of the room sat unnoticed until the counselor asked her to play with it.  When she did go to it, she filled each room methodically with furniture. Stuffing each item in room by room until each square inch was full.  No putting beds in bedrooms, couches in living rooms, etc.  Just filling.  Then emptying into the bucket and repeat.

At the very end she did make one of the dolls ride a toy horse.  That was awesome. I was glad the counselor saw and commented on that.  She was happy to see it.  The counselor was great.  I think we will be very happy with her and that Eva will continue to improve at her own pace.  We will go back every 3 weeks or so for the foreseeable future.

Darcy is doing well.  To be honest, I think cognitively typical is somewhat scarier to us at this point.  Eva, though she has her own challenges, is very happy almost all the time.  Her poor memory insulates her from her harsh past to some extent and she never seems to dwell on stress or worry.  Now, that is not to say that she doesn't at all.  She is aware, but it is in a very different way.  I don't want to sound like we don't appreciate her own struggle or pain. It is real and it matters.  But she processes in a much different way than someone who is neurotypical.

Darcy is 100% fully aware of the big change that has taken place. She is scared.  She is grieving.  There is no distraction for her. She is immersed in the now and the reality of her life shift.  Clearly, she wants to be here.  She obviously adores her siblings and her family.  But the trauma is all wrapped up in that.

 Adoption is born of trauma. Sometimes in the happy talk of forever families and futures, we gloss over the past.  and the pain. No adoption is without pain.  We have to, and want to, honor and acknowledge her past.

Right now we are staring that in the face and helping a very scared little girl through the best that we can.  Tomorrow is one week home. We have a long way to go.  But we are going.

We have two beautiful little girls on the same, and yet totally different paths.  I don't have all the answers to make it an easy path.  But we are doing the best we can for them and for the rest of the family.  The needs of our other 4 children are also at the forefront of our minds. They are doing amazing.  They are so caring and so patient. I could not be more proud.

Like I always say, easy doesn't equal good.  This isn't easy, but it is worth it.  We just take one day at a time.


  1. One day at a time is the best we can do! Thinking of you guys and praying for you always!

  2. Keep up the wonderful attitude. I promise there will be even harder times ahead but also even sweeter times as well. Best part is HE is with you through it all. Enjoy your new blessings!

  3. You are doing a wonderful job mama. I love being able to follow this inspiring journey that you are your family are taking. God Bless you all!