Tuesday, November 13, 2012

One Month Home

Well, we have reached our first big milestone.  One month home.  It is so cliche, but really, in some ways it feels like we got home yesterday and in some ways like it all never happened.  Like Darcy has been with us forever.

I am thankful, honestly, to be ticking off this milestone.  I forgot how rough some things about the first weeks are.  We don't have issues with basic communication, but that is as far as it goes-the basics.  I know there is a personality in there that I get glimpses of, but don't know in depth. I want to have a real conversation with Darcy.  And language is harder for Darcy than it was for Eva.  I think I have mentioned that Eva had no fear about learning English. Darcy is very resistant to it.  She understands so much, but she doesn't want to speak it.  She speaks to me Russian and I speak to her in English.  Eva, on the other hand, was a parrot at this point. She never cared if she said it right or not. Darcy is self conscious about it.  She wants to be good at it from word one.  She reminds me of her oldest brother so much in that regard. 

Attachment seems to be going really well.  I have nicknamed her "Velcro" because she is pretty much literally attached to me at all times.  I am glad it is going well because we were a bit worried she would be one to indiscriminately attach to people.  She clearly has a preference for me over other people. Though it is good that she wants to be with me all the time, it is sometimes a bit overwhelming.  I was explaining to someone that even when you have a tiny newborn, when your spouse walks in the door, you need a little space and want to hand the baby off.  But she is a 5 year old. So sometimes I just want some alone time.  With Eva I waited far too long to realize I need some "me" time to be a better mother.  I am trying to be here for Darcy almost all the time, while still retaining my sanity.

She asks about 20 times a day where Daddy is and when he is coming home. She doesn't like for him not to be here.

Someone that met Darcy right after she moved into the older child groupa at the orphanage described her as very clingy with the nannies.  She said she just held their hands and hid behind their legs.  She wouldn't play with the other kids. When I got there she was all over the place just like any other child.  So, this seems to be her way of figuring out her surroundings and who she can count on to keep her safe.

She did move into the girls' bedroom this week.  She was hesitant earlier because she wanted to be in my bed, but she became very excited about it out of the blue this week.  She has been in there 2 nights and has done pretty well. 

The kids are all getting along well.  Darcy is hesitant to join in, but the other kids are trying to include her and when she does play they have fun. I think as language comes more interaction will come.

Overall, things are going surprisingly smoothly as far as adjustment for and to Darcy goes.   The hard part is mostly me. I am struggling a bit making the jump to 6 kids so quickly after making the jump to 5.  And I am coordinating doc appointments, post placement reports, and readoption, along with homeschool, house cleaning, preparing for the holidays, being a wife, and a mom.

My house is a mess most of the time. Dinner has been less than stellar.  I tried to skip school for a few weeks, but found we do better with the structure.  And Darcy wants to do school. She already knows her alphabet, numbers to 10,colors, many animals, and a few songs.  So school is actually helping right now.

I know these are things that take time. It usually takes me several months after having a child to get into a routine.  I just really wish it would happen sooner.  I am ready to feel a bit less unhinged.  One day at a time. One day at a time. This is my mantra. 

I need to just enjoy the bonding, the getting to know each other, and all the firsts that are so fun to watch.  I just wish my house was cleaner while I am enjoying it! 


2 comments:

  1. Remember the saying"it does not matter if the laundry is done,...a whole bunch of other chores..., but that you made the difference in a child's life. You are a great mom even though every day may not seem great. Praying for peace!

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  2. Thank you for taking the time to update! It is wonderful to be able to follow your adoption journey. God bless!

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